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mimixtwo
Regular
Joined: 25 Apr 2008
Posts: 14
Location: ohio
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 Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 9:43 am Post subject: Dealing with anger |
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| How do you deal with being the recipent of anger, I know how it feels to be the one getting the bad news regarding your health, but when the anger sets in for the one who has cancer, and you are the only one around who catches it. especially when some things are so hurtful, I know in my heart most of it is just the person being scared , and the word cancer. I don't want to fight and argue, I just want to be here for whatever is needed, and if that includes being the target I will, I was diagnosed 6 years ago with ms, and fibromyalgia, the ms has been in remission. so I know everyone takes news differently, mine made me closer to my heart, and made me appreciate what i have, and in my eyes the remission gave me a second chance. I just wondered how others deal with it, Thank you |
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brainman
Chief Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 4297
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 9:56 am Post subject: Re: Dealing with anger |
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mimi, I have never had to deal with the anger of someone else but I did give a lot of anger to those around me  . I know what help me and those around me but I am not sure my advice will be helpful to everyone since our relationships are so different. What help me understand what my anger was doing was when those around me confronted me. They did it was great sensitivity and love. At the same time, I was also in therapy so I could talk with someone who could be objective and really helped me deal with my anger. However, I was willing to deal with my anger. This probably is not the truth for every one.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/ |
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Darwin
Senior User
Joined: 11 Feb 2008
Posts: 115
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 7:29 pm Post subject: Re: Dealing with anger |
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Mimi I can totally relate to this, being the sole carer 24/7 and I have had several emails from others who are in the same position. Of course we will take the angry comments and try to understand them but they are very hurtful.
I also confronted the situation with gentle comments in a quiet soft tone such as please don't speak to me in that way it is hurtful or to ask him to think about whether he wants to be in a positive place for himself and those around him during the time he has and what sort of memories he wants to leave.
I found this did make a difference, the angry outbursts were usually followed with a sorry I didn't mean that I was just feeling low. He actually began to verbalise his fear and feelings and that I believe is a very positive step forward. I don't know how I would react if I had this illness and so I won't judge but I believe that my responses helped him to think about his actions and consider the impact they were having, but most importantly supported him to confont his own feelings and verbalise them. A huge step for a strong silent man unaccustomed to expressing his feelings all his life. One lady wrote her husband a loving sensitive letter about how his angry was hurting the family so that he could re read it and ponder on what she had written which is another approach. My very best wishes. Hang in there and know you are needed and wanted. You know the song "we always hurt the ones we love" Unconditional love for another person will help them through this battle just as much as any medicine. My thoughts are with you.
Dorothy
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Ex husband's diagnosis was January 2006, stage IV bowel cancer with mets to liver and lungs. Two years of continuous chemo, folfox then folfirri. On MAX chemo now. Has had radiation to pelvic area and radioactive SIRT spheres injected through the portal vein into the liver. |
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mimixtwo
Regular
Joined: 25 Apr 2008
Posts: 14
Location: ohio
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 11:35 am Post subject: Re: Dealing with anger |
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| I know there's alot of confusion, anger and fear for him. and the waiting, is makeing him feel worse. He was mad at me for talking to his mom, and sisters. they already knew something was wrong with him.and they knew he was going for the biopsy, He feels like he's putting his family through to much. I tried t explain to him that we all love him, and will be here for him, he's already knows that I will. and when he says hurtful things to me he feels bad afterwards, and apolagizes. I too have confusion, and am scared, and right now he's really not talking to much about it. I just want to throw my arms around him, and hold him, and reasure him that i will never leave his side. I have been writting my feelings down since this all began, and when the time is right i will let him read them, and this forum has been so tremendouly helful, everyone here is in one way or another dealing with cancer, I know everyone thinks there individual ordeal is alot for them to bear, but if i really think about it someone else has it worse then I do. with the help of you wonderful folks we will get through this. Thank you so very much |
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In
Site Admin
Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 1436
Location: AUSTRALIA
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:14 am Post subject: Re: Dealing with anger |
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Loyal Wife- I have moved your post to your own thread in the neck and head cancer Forum- I'm thinking you'll have a better responce there.
I'm so sorry for you and your husbands sad news. I hope you find all the support and addvice you need here.
Thinking of you both.
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Thinking of you Inica
*Administrator*
~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~
My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731
 9 Lives and still kicking |
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