So, my best friends dad has cancer.

crushed · New User Joined: 09 Jul 2008 Posts: 2 Location: Canada

Hello everybody, Im david :]

Anyways, Hes been like a father to me. Mind you, I dont know much about his cancer. Im just wondering what I should say to my friend, when she talkes to me about it. Today, she asked me, "what if my dad dies" I try my best to answer, I told her that he would go to heaven. Then she said that she coulnt live without her dad. He means the world to her. And she means the world to me. I try my best to comfort her. What should I say. Her whole life is being ruined by this, I tell her hes going to be fine. (they caught it early enough to treat it).

Can you tell me what im supposed to say to her when she says this kind of stuff? Or just anything that help me think better. Any help, advice, just a simple reply to me is appreciated.

Thank you,
David

PS: She doesnt belive in anything like "god has plans for everyone"
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In

Hi David.

Welcome to the forum. Even though a sad reason. You sound like such a loving friend to reserch and help your friend so much.

The only thing i can think of is to be there. I used to hate it when everyone would say (over and over- everything will be ok) when we knew it wouldn't be. At the moment that sounds like the best thing.

If my friend was to say what am i going to do. I'd say you are going to spend every second talking and sharing with your father. Remembering all those good and bad times. Getting to know each other all over again.
That they are going to be strong for them, and have faith. Be positive, But know that you are there to help them through the times they are sad. That you will hold them up, support them, be their shoulder when they need it.

If he dies, then they will live on and have the life he always wanted for his princess. That she wont be sad, she'll always remeber, but she'll live. Live for him.

I hope that helps a little, David....

Take Care and let us know how things are. maybe even introduce her to here. It's a great place to vent or ask questions.

X In
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Thinking of you Inica

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Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 789 Location: UK

Hi David. It is a really difficult situation - this site may be helpful to you and your friend: http://www.riprap.org.uk/default.asp?eid=1

simplyklb

David,
It's great that you are wanting to reach out to your best friend.

My parents both have lung cancer. My best friend has totally been there for me the last two months. She helps me out whenever she can. She even takes my parents and I to appts. She is there when I need to talk. She's been a huge blessing and I could never thank her enough!

Kristi
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Dad - Andy, 70, diagnosed with SCLC in May 2008
2/20/38 - 10/15/08 Fly high, Dad!
Mom - Jackie, 67, diagnosed with NSCLC in May 2008

crushed · New User Joined: 09 Jul 2008 Posts: 2 Location: Canada

Thank you for all the replies everybody. Im sorry to here about your parents ^

But its great that you have good friends to help you through
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brainman

David, in real life, I tend to be like Kristi's friend. I do not think your friend really wants you to answer her questions... she just wants to know that you are in the darkness with her. Do whatever practical things that you can for her. But mostly, learn to listen.

You and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

robertacastello · Regular Joined: 02 Jul 2008 Posts: 22

HI David,

I agree with Jim. Since you don't know much about cancer, there's nothing you can say about the disease, but it doesn't really matter. My best friend and my boyfriend are being really great to me now just by standing by my side and listening to me. The main thing, I reckon, is to show your friend that she is not alone and you are there to help her through the whole thing, but it seem to me that you are a great friend and is doing that already! My best wishes to both of you.

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