My Father's Last Chapter

Zeak · Regular Joined: 10 Jul 2008 Posts: 13 Location: Sonora, CA

OK, NOW I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM.

My father asked his care giver to take him to Rite Aid for who knows what. When they got there, he wouldn't get out of the car or open the door. When the CG tried to open the door, he punched her in the arm hard enough to hurt. The CG's supervisor came over, called the sheriff and managed to get him over to the ER (just around the block). Still wouldn't get out of the car and was verbally abusing everyone. The sheriff wouldn't 5150 him to get him in the hospital because of some stupid rules. I told him his meds aren't correct and needed medical attention due to the agitation. No go.

So, the plan was to get him home, get him to calm down, get some meds in him etc. Well, they get him home and he yells at everyone to get the F off his property and proceeds to lock himself in the house. The caregivers leave and Hospice calls and says they are not going back until he is stable due to safety reasons (understandable). So I ask them what the heck am I susposed to do and it was basically "you're on your own". Great! So now my father is at home, no caregiver, not taking his meds and I'm 200 miles away.

So, I decide to call adult protective services. Maybe a good decision, maybe not (look what CPS did to those people in Texas). So I spell it out to them and told them I was asking them for their help. I realize they usually report on elder abuse etc., but that I was stuck and need help. They were very nice, looked into it and basically told me not much can be done right now. Wait a day or so, see if he let's the CG's back in etc. I explained to them he can't communicate, walk very well and can barely take care of himself and really needed 24 care. They said at this point since he was with it enough to get rid of everybody not much could be done.

Anyway, this is not a good place to be in. What am I susposed to do, wait until something happens? He can't call 911 and neighbors aren't real close. He's going to seize or fall or something. These tumors are making him very uncooperative.

I need a drink.........

Tera · Senior User Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 186

Oh gosh Zeak, that is a quandary.

I went back and re-read your dad's situation. With no treatments at all, nothing to shrink the tumors in his brain, I have a feeling his steroiods may have been increased to prevent swelling in his brain. If so, this could be 'roid rage. If so, if no one is there to give him his medicines and he doesn't take them, missing a dose or two of the steroids may ease the 'roid rage. But its not good to be off the steroid either. What to do!

Is there any way you can pick up and go? He may listen to you. I don't understand why he can't be Baker Acted. You can do that and emergency personnel can take him. At least then he'll be in the hospital for a couple of days to get it straightened out.

koikkeril · Super Moderator Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 334

Wow, sorry Zeak...You are in one hell of a mess!
Being not from your country, I have no idea how this works regarding security and care for your father..
If a Baker act is possible, it seems a good solution on the whole giving you time to get there and sort things out..

I will keep you in my prayers..Hope you can update us and find a good solution to quickly resolve this situ before it gets out of hand...
Thinking of you...Koik
_________________
Husband diagnosed with stage 1V NSCLC Febuary 2007.....Lost his battle August 27th 2008 but lives on in my heart.

brainman · Posted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 6:56 am Post subject: Re: My Father's Last Chapter

Oh, Zeak, I am so sorry that your father's mental state is being affected to such a degree Sad

. I am also very sorry that it is so hard for you to find help. The only thing I can think of is hospice. Have they been called to help him and you? Often, they know how to get things done when others cannot.

You and your father are in my prayers.
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Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
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LizNDale · Posted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 8:04 am Post subject: Re: My Father's Last Chapter

Holy cow, Zeak! BIG PROBLEM is right!

Earlier you mentioned friends of his who call to see what "they" can do for your dad, can any of these folks help out?

Praying for you both,

Liz
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My Mother - Stage IV NSCLC - Adenocarcinoma
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pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 1262

Oh Zeak, this just sucks -- no other way to put it. Sorry if that is offensive! I do know that my brother-in-law had very nasty rage episodes from the tumors in his brain before he was diagnosed. Total enhancement of any underlying traits. I'm so very sorry and hope that someone can step up to the plate and help while you are so far away. I'm sure you are worried as heck about your Dad. God bless him and you.

I hope and pray for a better situation. I'll join you for a drink! (Later in the day though.)

What is a Baker Act?

Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Zeak · Regular Joined: 10 Jul 2008 Posts: 13 Location: Sonora, CA

Tera, Koikkeril, Brainman, LizNDale and pbj11,

Thanks for replying. I will definately check out the Baker Act.

Tera, he's not on any steroids as they caused the roid rage a couple of weeks ago and they took him off of it.

I may head up to his place tomorrow. When he was in this state of mind last time, he screamed and yelled at me before I even got out of the truck. He is still very pissed at me for taking away his freedom (truck, credit cards etc.). Not sure my presence would be a good thing right now. VNA will go by today to check on him and try to get him to take his meds. Not sure how that will go. The lady from Hospice was sort of a jerk which really surprised me. EVERYONE I have dealt with have been awesome and a ton of help. She just said "he's unstable and we're not going there period", and pretty much said it's my problem. I got pissed at her and said thanks for all your help and I will find a way to deal with it and hung up on her (at this point, I'm not in the best mood Evil or Very Mad

).

Current Status: He spent the night alone which I'm sure he loved. He's resisted the CG's from day one. I called and got no answer (not unusual). VNA will go by today to check on him. I'm going to report daily to APS to keep them in the loop and cover my butt also. I seriously doubt he will let the CG's come back.

So, at this point, either APS gets involved or I wait until something happens. At least he can't drive and kill someone. Stay tuned..........

Beth56 · Regular Joined: 30 Mar 2008 Posts: 30 Location: California

Wow Zeak. You have a problem. It seems there must be a facility somewhere that you can get your dad into. A friend's father had alzheimer's and he became violent toward his wife. They had to take him out of the home as he kept hitting her. There was a facility that took these type of violent patients that could not be left at home and needed to be locked down. I know this is very unpleasant, but your dad might become harmful not only to himself but to others and need to be placed somewhere. The facility my friends dad went to was in Southern California, San Bernardino I believe. You might want to see if anything is available in your area if it becomes necessary. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My best to you.

Tera · Senior User Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 186

Zeak, I hope things are a little better now.....

Zeak · Regular Joined: 10 Jul 2008 Posts: 13 Location: Sonora, CA

Hi Guys. Well it took awhile, but things have calmed down. I was at my father's last weekend and he basically communicated that he did not want someone under his nose 24/7. He's been living by himself for about the last 8 years or so, so it's understandable. After about 100 phone conversations, we now have the CG's come in the morning and around dinner time to help him with meds and fix him something to eat if he wants it. I think it's a good solution for the time being. He really should not be alone but I'm not forcing something on him he doesn't want. APS agreed and we'll just take it week by week.

I'm taking next week off and spending it up at his place to spend some time with him, work on his house and ride my dirtbike Very Happy

. I must say, APS has been extremely helpful even when VNA and Hospice backed off. The case worker gently forced the VNA to get up there and check him and get him his meds. Thank god.

Things are good for now. Stay tuned for the next imbrogilo (cool word huh!)

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 1262

Zeak,

Imbroglio -- LOL -- a real .50 cent word if I've heard one! Laughing

Keep up that great sense of humor -- sounds like you have a tough Dad who is going to do things his way whether it's best for him or not. Glad to hear some combination of things worked to get the door opened.

Let's hope you have a wonderful visit and things stay low-keyed for the foreseeable future.

PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Tera · Senior User Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 186

Ditto what pbj said. Enjoy your trip and time with dad.

koikkeril · Super Moderator Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 334

Zeak
I am glad you are able to keep a good sense of humour.... Laughing

Looks as though you dad is going to be some challenge, he certainly has a strong head.... and gets what he wants!
Hope you get your fun time with your dirt bike...and some special time with your dad..
Looking out for you and keeping you in my prayers...God Bless...Koik
_________________
Husband diagnosed with stage 1V NSCLC Febuary 2007.....Lost his battle August 27th 2008 but lives on in my heart.

Zeak · Regular Joined: 10 Jul 2008 Posts: 13 Location: Sonora, CA

8/19/08 Update.

My father has really gone downhill. Went up on Monday and he was still getting around with his walker. By Wed he went downhill about 95%. Long story short, I had him sent by ambulance to a facility here by my house. He's pretty much bed ridden now, no communication, labored breathing, O2 stats are dropping, not eating or drinking and is on a lot of morphine.

I think it's only a matter of days now.........I hope it's quick and he doesn't suffer. Every morning I wake up and hope he doesn't.

Zeak

zinger · Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 11:21 pm Post subject: Re: My Father's Last Chapter

Oh Zeak,

I'm so sorry about your Dad's decline. I'll keep you both in my prayers. Don't hold back, say what you want him to hear, he'll know. God bless you both.

Cathy
_________________
Dad ~ lung cancer diagnosed Dec 18, 2003, passed Mar 3, 2004.
Mom ~ lung cancer diagnosed May 27, 2008, passed June 1, 2008
They're waltzing once again...

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