Angry, Frustrated, and Sad

simplyklb · Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:33 pm Post subject: Angry, Frustrated, and Sad

Hi All,
I am feeling angry, frustrated, and sad tonight. I will probably cry myself to sleep.

My family is dragging me down big time. My mother is creating even more problems. We had a fight today... I know.. Not a good thing. My mother told people that my dad is my stressor. That is a lie. Sure my dad gets on my nerves but I would never stop caring for him. He's difficult. My mom told me not to worry about my dad.. He can take care of himself. What?????? She has told my brothers to not blame me if anything happens to him because it will be his fault.

My mother has flat out missed the boat. My mother is far more independent at this stage than my dad. In fact, the night after her chemo, she was out running around. In fact, she was out running around the next two days. She was told to take it easy. Anyway my mother will not do simple tasks like make phone calls. She puts in a call to a doctor and the doctor calls and she is not home... The doctor had to talk to my dad. He was kind of out of it since he had a long day.

I know who my main stressor is.. MY MOTHER. I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards her. I don't like that. I am sick of her defending my brothers. Like I told her, I spend more time with my youngest brother's daughter than my brother does. I will have to take care of her this weekend. I just got done taken care of my middle brother's kids.

I think that my mother and brothers are in denial and not handling the diagnoses very well. I now know that my mother is because she didn't want to see her CT scan or know her staging.

I saw my dad cry for the second time in my life tonight. It broke my heart. I went and told my mother and she did not care.

I think that the cancer diagnoses have excerbated a lot of family issues, We meet with the social worker on Monday.

Kristi
_________________
Dad - Andy, 70, diagnosed with SCLC in May 2008
2/20/38 - 10/15/08 Fly high, Dad!
Mom - Jackie, 67, diagnosed with NSCLC in May 2008

brainman · Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 12:18 am Post subject: Re: Angry, Frustrated, and Sad

Kristi, my heart breaks as I read this post. I know that it is hard to keep family from dragging me down too. Do you have any outside of the family support system of your own?

{{{{Kristi}}}}
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

simplyklb · Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:08 pm Post subject: Re: Angry, Frustrated, and Sad

Hi Jim,
Welcome back!

Thanks for the hugs!

I think that we are going to have a family meeting this weekend. On Monday, my parents and I meet with the social worker.

Kristi
_________________
Dad - Andy, 70, diagnosed with SCLC in May 2008
2/20/38 - 10/15/08 Fly high, Dad!
Mom - Jackie, 67, diagnosed with NSCLC in May 2008

In · Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 3:14 pm Post subject: Re: Angry, Frustrated, and Sad

I thnk tjis is a great first step- make sure you voice your issues. This is your chance to say all and hav a referee. Make it simple- Tell your mum how her actions hurt you, and how it makes you feel when she says stuff and does things you don't like.

Alot of this could just be the way your mum is dealing with it, she could be making herself think your dad will be fine- in case she has to go. She is taking all her anger anf fustration out on you both- it's not the way.
Soon she'll relaise this, but the damage will be done.

Cancer affects us all in different ways, and many times i have herad anger and hurt being put on to family memebers.

Also maybe time for you to stop doing so much for the brothers. They wont learn if you wont let them do it themselves. Make an excuse, go and do something for you, or your dad on the times they need you. even doing something you would do after they come- like food shopping or something, Do it then, so your not there for a change...Other wise you might be doing and guilted into doing this a long time, when you shouldn't have to.

Good Luck ((((Kristi))))
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

ChemoMan · Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 5:09 pm Post subject: Re: Angry, Frustrated, and Sad

Hi kristi

You are doing far too much, no wonder you are stressed. I think you are remarkable for coping as long as you have, considering everything that others are heaping on your plate.

Good luck with the social worker, I hope that things work out well for you.

Cheers Smile

_________________
Age 52
Diffuse Large B cell Lymphoma
Stage 2a
Finished six cycles of R chop 21 26th May 2008
Officially in remission 9th July 2008
Remission confirmed 1st October 2008
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9620

simplyklb · Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 12:47 pm Post subject: Re: Angry, Frustrated, and Sad

I feel like walking out on my mom. I know that is terrible. But she is draining me BIG TIME. She insists on having my dad's drug addict nephew here every weekend so she does not have to deal with my dad. Well we have some Fentanyl patches missing. The first thing I hear when I walk in the door from church that I must find the missing patches. I knew where they were. She was told where they were. Now part of a box is missing as well as a whole box. If she and my brothers did not inisist on the drug addict coming over, we wouldn't have these problems. I wanted to leave for the lake on Tues. Now I can't because I have to watch my brother's kids. I am sick of my mom and brothers. No wonder I have soooo much anger!!!!!!!!!

Kristi
_________________
Dad - Andy, 70, diagnosed with SCLC in May 2008
2/20/38 - 10/15/08 Fly high, Dad!
Mom - Jackie, 67, diagnosed with NSCLC in May 2008

JLC · Regular Joined: 18 May 2008 Posts: 23

Kristi,

I can't imagine what you must be going through with both parents having cancer. It boggles my mind.

We also had an issue with someone in the family "interested" in my mother's pain meds. Once Hospice was called in it was easier to say that Hospice counted the meds as a deterrent. Before that I organized all of Mom's meds in a small rubbermaid desk-top chest of drawers. When I knew that certain someone was coming I just moved the chest out of the way and then put it back when they left. It infuraited me that someone could be so low as to steal pain meds from someone who was obviously in so much pain. But instead of raising a stink I just removed the problem and it worked.

I think the anger is normal too. I was angry with my mother. I was angry that she was sick and I directed that at her. Having parents with cancer is so hard, especially when you have other family issues.

You sound so overworked and so stressed. Remember it is ok to say no every now and again. I am thinking of you.

J

P.S. I am in MO too.

simplyklb · Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:30 pm Post subject: Re: Angry, Frustrated, and Sad

I am going to get myself into a caregiver support group so I can talk with others. Not to say you all are not great... You all have been sooo helpful! My best friend has been very helpful and she is encouraging me to get into a caregiver support group. I am going to do that next week. I am off to the lake for a few days starting tomorrow. I need t get away. My friend is sooo worried that my mom is going to throw a wrench in the works. I told her that is not going to happen... There are other family members around. This will be a good time to test. Smile

Kristi
_________________
Dad - Andy, 70, diagnosed with SCLC in May 2008
2/20/38 - 10/15/08 Fly high, Dad!
Mom - Jackie, 67, diagnosed with NSCLC in May 2008

brainman · Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 5:18 pm Post subject: Re: Angry, Frustrated, and Sad

Kristi, you do need "real people" who can give you real hugs Smile

.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

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