Hello,from New Mexico

mycousinsmom · New User Joined: 18 Jul 2008 Posts: 2

My name is Kat .
My cousin from Oklahoma Deanna has Pancreatic Cancer . She was diagnosed a few weeks ago had surgery last Friday and the doctors say there is no hope .The cancer is to far advanced, they give her 6 weeks to two months.
She is 48 years old.
To say Deanna, her mother Jo ann ,her 3 grown children and 4 grandsons are in shock is an understatement.
I am sending Joann the link to this site as soon as I'm done here.
Thank Goodness there is a community like this site for the support and the emotional needs of people dealing with Cancer.
Kat

brainman · Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 9:18 am Post subject: Re: Hello,from New Mexico

Kat, I am so very sorry about Deanna's Pancreatic Cancer. Pancreatic Cancer is one of the most devastating cancer known because it has such a negative impact on the person's quality of life and because we have so few truly effective tools to treat it with. It is a very aggressive cancer and needs to be treated very aggressively. One of our long term member Marty) died last fall of PC but he survived for about 3 years. Before giving up all hope of living more than a few months, I would get a second opinion.

Yes is my take on prognosis. I like to know my prognosis. However, if my original prognosis had been correct, I would have died at least 5 years ago. I said that I like to know my prognosis but only in order to set priorities for the things that I still want to do with whatever time I still have. The I try to just set the prognosis aside and live one day at a time working to achieve those goals. Believe me, it is a lot easier to say that to do... especially at the beginning. Your cousin is still in the state of shock when it seems like all she has is today.

You might what to checkout Marty's wonderful although sad story at the flowing links:

http://diehlmartin.com/cancer.html his blog
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6939 his last thread on this forum

You, your cousin, and her mother are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

Queensland Girl · Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:06 pm Post subject: Re: Hello,from New Mexico

Hello Kat,

I am so sorry to hear of you cousin's diagnosis. Both of my parents died of pancreatic cancer with my Dad just a few months ago.

Before your cousin gives up hope, get her a second or third opinion if possible. Please think carefully about chemotherapy. Will it help prolong her life, and if so, at what cost to her quality of life. My Dad did chemo and it didn't affect him very badly so it gave us some time, not every one can torerate the chemo though.

My Dad also needed palliative intervention including some "minor" surgery, not for the cancer, but to make his life more comfortable.

Unfortunately the one common denominator with the cancer is the pain. Your cousin must accept help for the pain when it comes and "not be brave". Again my Dad tried to skip some of his pain tablets and when he moved he was in agony. It was heartbreaking to watch.

My only advice to you is that towards the end, be there for your cousin and her family and try to help. Some days it will be hard as you won't understand why she will do things, or not do things or say things. You will need to accept that some words and actions don't make sense and I have put this down to mental confusion.

We all cried a lot, even my Dad who never cried, not even when Mum died.

I spoke to the kids about what was happening to their grandfather. Shield the children, but don't tell them she will get better. I told my kids he was dying, they wanted to know why, so I told them about the cancer and how it was destroying his pancreas, that there was no more help the doctors could give him and it wasn't anybodies fault.

My Dad had six months from diagnosis and he was able to live at home until the last week when we had to admit him to hospital. Up till he could converse and eat anything we made and sit in the lounge room with everyone.

Again I wish I could give you a better picture, but this is my part of the PC story.

My heart goes out to you, your cousin and her family.
_________________
Regards,

Queensland Girl

Mum diagnosed June 1993, surgery and chemo died August 1993 (Pancreatic Cancer)
Dad diagnosed July 2007, chemo only died January 2008 (Pancreatic Cancer)

mycousinsmom · New User Joined: 18 Jul 2008 Posts: 2

Thank you for shareing this advice. I have emailed the link to this site to
my cousins mom but haven't heard back from her, I imagine shes got her hands full just trying to deal with this whole deal hour by hour, Joann (the mom ) told me on the phone that Deanna's kids and grandkids have been very hard to deal with because thry all seem to be expecting her as the elder of the family to 'do something' to fix this. I don't know her kids and grandkids at all so my being there wouldn't be much help at a time like this it would just add to Joann;'s already heavy burden I did the only thing that makes since to me and that is to send Joann some cash to help out and a letter with all the love and support I could put on a peice of paper. I live in New mexico and they are in Oklahoma Deanna and I have always kept in touch over the years but not done awhole lot of visiting , we are very close in age ,I'm a few months older , so we have always had alot in commen , our kids as they were growing up , and just life s happings in general as two women of the same age learing what life is,,, I copied and pasted the reply from Jim in an email to Joann and will do the same with yours. I want her to see there are people that care and do know what she is dealing with and figure it is easier to email her these caring posts that I have gotten so all she has to do is check her email instead of trying to find a new site,, sign up etc.. not that it is a hard thing to do but right now any little thing out of her 'normal' stuff ' like checking her email' would seem like to much to deal with right now,,( I hope that came out right and don't make her bad ) again Thank you and I will post again when I hear more. Kat

jessica026 · Regular Joined: 17 Jan 2008 Posts: 44

aw i am so sorry..everytime i come on here and see a new diagnosis it just breaks my heart...no one should have to see thier loved one slip away like this..its awful.
my mom was 49 when she passed..much too young!.....I hope your cousins family can start to accept this diagnosis and come to terms with the fact that there is no " fixing" this disease.
again i am sorry for you and your family

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