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JLBarkley
New User
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
Posts: 2
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 Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:21 pm Post subject: Recent diagnosis |
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| In May, my mother (56) was diagnosed with stage IV squmous cell carcinoma of the lung. She was given 3-6 months and at best with treatment 12 months. She has thus far undergone 4 chemo treatments. After her first chemo treatment sent her to the hospital for a week, we decided that relocating her for better care would be best. She has since moved in with me, my husband and toddler. We have managed to put weight on her (a few pounds at a time) and seems to handle each chemo treatment better than the last. Even her outlook is great; believing her fate is in the hands of God, which I am at ease with and truly believe in myself. I'm okay, with the cancer. I have 28 wonderful years getting to know my mom. I know that atleast I am able to say goodbye to her everyday, unlike something sudden. What I'm struggling with, is that now she has moved in, my relationship with my husband is straining. [Prior to her moving in, we were married in Sept '06, pregnant on honeymoon and had our son in may '07----we have not been able to really enjoy coupledom] We must make sure she is taking the right meds and eatting plenty. -She is on the stubborn side- She no longer drives. I am constantly trying to make sure she feels at home and that she has everything she may need. I do not want her to feel like a burdon, because she is not. As a side note, my husband is not a stranger to losing a mother. His mama lost her battle against breast cancer 4 yrs ago. Our closest family members are 2 hrs away and we are ourselves new to the area. How do I keep my new family together while making sure my mother is comfortable? I am always angry and not myself anymore. How do I reclaim my life? Distraught and lost, Jodi |
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idobelieveinfairies
Experienced user
Joined: 27 Feb 2008
Posts: 58
Location: Charlotte, North Carolina
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 7:38 am Post subject: Re: Recent diagnosis |
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I don't know how to answer your question because I am beginning to feel the same way. My brother is sick and lives nearby and I go check on him throughtout the day and sleep there at night. School is starting soon so it will get harder. No vacation for us this summer. But I think we are ok with that. My 7 year old begs me not to go at night. My husband is constantly telling me not to let myself get run down which I am not. What are we suppose to do? I try to explain that this is only temporary and that he would do it for me if I were sick or dying. Just lots of talking with the family is helping some but I am starting to feel guilty. Try talking to them and tell them you need reassurance every day that you all as a family are OK.
Last edited by idobelieveinfairies on Thu Aug 21, 2008 7:10 am; edited 1 time in total |
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JLBarkley
New User
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 8:14 am Post subject: Re: Recent diagnosis |
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| It's amazing that we know that if the tables were turned, they would do the same for us; but inside a litte part of us hes we could go back to our "regular" lives. Knowing the only way for that to happen is to go back in time (the impossible). For my husband and I, there was never any doubt or discussion that she should move in, we knew it had to happen (there's a laundry list of reasons, begining with a no-good husband). How can I tell myself and reassure my family that they are still and always will be a priority and love them even more for being supportive. Iwant to pull my hair out somedays because I have to constantly tell my mom to eat, make sure she is taking the right meds and taxing her around all the while trying not to let it look like she's lost all independance. My like was once organized, now I can barley tell you what day it is. Ugh, we love our familes a whole lot... |
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pbj11
Site Admin
Joined: 12 May 2007
Posts: 1405
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 8:29 am Post subject: Re: Recent diagnosis |
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Hi,
I'm so sorry that both of you are going through this type of situation. I'm glad you've found each other and can identify with the issues. This is one of those nasty life experiences that test and stress families beyond belief. Have faith that you will hold it together as a family unit.
Although my mom passed from cancer, my Dad was there to take care of her, so I cannot identify with what you are going through first-hand. As the spouse/caregiver for my husband, our lives slowly ground down to a very small world. That's fine in a circumstance where the kids are adults and you are able to devote every waking moment to the patient. No so easy to juggle when you have a spouse and kids of your own to handle too. As a widow, I have the fear of becoming a burden to my own kids should something happen to me down the road. I don't want that for them as I'm sure your Mom's don't either. It's tough on both sides of the coin.
I hope and wish for the best for both of you. Keep writing, it really helps to vent and let a little of the frustration of being a caretaker out a little bit. Feeling helpless and overwhelmed is a commonality for all of us.
Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.
Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 |
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dano
Moderator
Joined: 19 Jul 2008
Posts: 231
Location: Oahu, Hawaii
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 12:01 pm Post subject: Re: Recent diagnosis |
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Hi Jodi;
I'm so sorry to hear of your Mom's condition, but glad to hear her spirit is strong. This seems to run in the family for you are being so strong for her. Your Mom has entered a journey which is an uphill battle at best, no one knows all of your future twists and turns, what is happening now is todays NORMAL, yesterdays normal seldom ever returns so the fight is all in attitude and both you and your Mom have great attitudes. It seems though you have taken on a supermom complex, the reality is your Mom is a burden, your child is a burden and your husband can be a burden, burdens you love dearly. I'm betting you are a loving mother and wouldn't think shorting your little toddler time showing your your love. Your has those feelings for you but can't do the things she wants to show her love. Give her the chance to do this by getting her permission to let you and your husband to get out occasionally to recharge your batteries, she knows you need this. The permission thing is out of the respect and love you have for her and empowers her to feel she has done something. Later as the cancer battle continues that will mean a lot to her. Maybe it would be nice if your family that is two hours away could send some help every couple of weeks to lend a hand. Your Mom nows you love her and as important as she is to you, your Husband and your child is more important. This room is a real help with being able to help dump your stress and sharing it here, sparing your loved ones some of the stress.
In the future she may not think as well due to pain or medications, so now is a good time to set a plan with her to keep your family whole. I pray for you and your Mom for more good times ahead.
God Bless
Dan
Hi JLBarkley:
I sense a great attitude in your battle, I love to hear more, On how you are handling things. We all learn from this, and it is a comfort to us all.
God Bless
Dan
_________________
54 year old male in Hawaii
Diagnosed Nov. 9,2007 with NSCLC IV
with Mets to the lymphs and brain
Had full brain radiation treatment in Jan 08
Currently on chemo treatments every 3 weeks
with Alimta
and taking Lovenox for blood clots
Now back to work full time
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9993 |
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