End stages of prostate cancer - advice.

rachellee4 · New User Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 3

My father has had prostate cancer for five years now. He's had hormone treatment, chemo, radiotherapy, a couple of trials and has come to the end of the road. He has bone metastes all over his skeleton. He has been in hospital for a week but was not drinking and now his potassium levels in his blood are very high and he's at risk of a heart attack. He has kidney failure, spends a lot of time asleep and when he is awake he is very confused. He also has a urinary tract infection and is on anti-biotics.
I am really looking for advice as to whether this will be it or if it is actually possible to recover for a while from such severe symptoms. Nurses and doctors seem to give conflicting opinions. He has good days when he is less confused and awake more and we get our hopes up but it would be really good to hear of other people's opinions and experiences.
He was really poorly the other night and we were advised to stay overnight with him but no-one is advising that now yet he seems no better. It's very confusing. We have no idea of how long he has left and although I understand that no-one could tell me that, hearing about other people who have experienced similar situations gives you a rough idea.
Thank you in anticipation of your replies.

Beth56 · Regular Joined: 30 Mar 2008 Posts: 30 Location: California

Rachellee4, I am so sorry to hear about your father. My mother had terminal pancreatic cancer and I was her caretaker for almost a year at home. What you are describing regarding your father leads me to believe that he may be in the final stages of his life. No one can know for sure, but I won't sugar coat it for you. You must be prepared. It is possible that he may still have some moments where he appears lucid and with improvement, but I think you and your family should be ready. If he is not drinking and eating, this is what happens near the end of life. There is no way of knowing exactly how long, but at this point, days and weeks matter. My mother wanted her final days at home and without intervention. No feeding tubes or other measures. It was difficult, but it was her wish.

My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer 2 years ago and is doing well. But our dear neighbor and friend is in his final stages which are very much like you describe your father at this moment.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Be strong. Beth

rachellee4 · New User Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 3

Thank you Beth.
I'm sorry to hear about your mother, friend and your husband. I also feel bad about posting such a negative message. I'd like to point out that Dad knew for a long time that there was something wrong - for at least a couple of years - but he was too scared to go to the doctor's. We only knew that because we found lots of 'wonder drugs' for prostate problems that he ordered from magazines a very long time before he finally saw his GP. When he did finally go it was about the pain he'd had in his leg, also for a long time, which he kept putting off because he thought he'd need a hip replacement and wanted to wait until he was less busy and could have an operation. It turned out that the cancer had spread into his hip quite badly and it was too late by then really.
I appreciate you being honest, Beth. In a way, it's almost a relief to hear - we just don't want to see him, and my Mum, in this state for any longer than they have to be. Rachel. x.

Beth56 · Regular Joined: 30 Mar 2008 Posts: 30 Location: California

rachellee4, your post was not negative at all. No apology needed here. I'm sorry your dad put off going to the doctor. But I think being scared is one of the main reasons people do not go.

I think at this point just make your dad as comfortable as possible. When the time comes, let dad know you all love him and that it's ok for him to go now. Sometimes people have a hard time leaving and it prolongs things. Tell him you will take care of mom, and you both will be alright. And I understand about feeling relief. None of us want our loved ones to suffer. Even with all the heartache, it can be a huge relief when someone passes. Be sure and allow yourselves time to grieve, it's very important. But then you must move forward. Your father would wish it.

If your dad likes a certain kind of music or books, if allowed, you might play some music softly around him, or read to him. He is still there and can hear you. Don't be afraid to talk to him or hold his hand.

I'm sending big hugs your way! Beth

Livinit · Regular Joined: 21 Aug 2008 Posts: 19

My brother just died from prostate cancer and I spent a considerable amount of time with him in the last few weeks of his life. I have just been diagnosed with prostate cancer myself. Your father's condition sounds similar to where by brother was and from which he made no recovery. He only lasted about two or three weeks from the time his docter told him he should enter a hospice program at which time they were telling him 1 to 4 months. His doctor said he thought it would be on the low end of that. He was right. Everyone is different so there is really no way to predict how long it will take. Sorry I can't offer your more encouraging information. Best of luck.

rachellee4 · New User Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 3

Thank you to the two of you who replied. My dad died five days after I posted my message. We sat with him almost constantly then on the Thursday night a nurse said he seemed stable and that there probably wouldn't be any change and sent my Mum home. Dad died an hour later. I hope he was waiting for us to leave so he could go without upsetting us. My Nan is convinced that someone comes to fetch you when no-one is about. I hope either of these are true and that he did not die alone wanting us. It was awful. I just hope he was very drugged up on morphine and didn't really know what was happening.
Good luck to everyone on the forum, either patient or relative. This disease is so awful and I miss my Dad so much.
Rachel.

Beth56 · Regular Joined: 30 Mar 2008 Posts: 30 Location: California

rachellee4, my deepest condolences to you and your family. I believe your father was waiting for you to leave. And I also believe your Nan is correct. When my mother passed, she went in the middle of the night after I had fallen to sleep. Her nurse woke me up 2 hours later to tell me she was gone. A shadow stood guard by her bedroom door for hours until she was taken from our home, and the shadow left when she did. I always believed someone came to guide her into the next world. Why I saw the shadow? I can only say I have seen a few things that others have not in my life.

I'm glad your father is no longer in pain. Even with your loss and the sorrow, the worst is now behind you and little by little, you will begin to heal. Always to remember the love for your father. Take care.

Beth
_________________
I lost my mother to inoperable pancreatic cancer in 1990 after caring for her at home for 9 months.

And, my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2006. Gleason 3+4=7 PSA 3.2. Treatment of choice was proton beam therapy at Loma Linda Hospital, California. His current PSA is .52 and will continue to drop as the cancer cells die off.

Livinit · Regular Joined: 21 Aug 2008 Posts: 19

I am sorry for your loss. Good luck.

brainman

Rachel, I am so sorry to hear about the death of your father. I do know that often it does seem like a person will hang on until either a family member leaves before dying. I have also seen people who hang on until someone arrives. I was with both of my parents when they died and believe that is what they wanted. I believe your father died when he wanted to as well.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
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