The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE

brainman

Oh Koik, I read you email and came right on to post. I am crying with a broken heart for you. Your love for Daniel was truly strong and helped you though all of the ups and downs of this roller coaster ride. I know we all expected this day to come, but it still hurts.

May the knowledge that you have friends all over the world reaching out to you in thoughts and prayers be a source of strength. You are not one of our longest time members, but you imbedded yourself deeply into our hearts.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

Tera · Senior User Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 198

((((((Koik)))))) Sending a great big bear hug your way. I am so very sorry Koik. I too wish this were not a virtual room. If I were closer, I'd be there to help and lend a shoulder.

I will keep you in my prayers, my friend. I know the pain and heartache you must be feeling are probably overwhelming. In there is a sense of relief that Daniel isn't suffering anymore but that doesn't always make it easier to bear....at least not initially.

You are probably exhausted and I know you have your own health issues to deal with too. Focus on getting through the next few days and take care of yourself, ok?

Know that Daniel will always be by your side. You both loved the outdoors....you will find him in the whisper of the gentle breeze, the flutter of a butterfly's wings, and the swaying of the beautiful flowers. He will never leave you and will be your very special guardian angel.

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 1407

((((Koik)))))

There are no words -- just know you are in my prayers and my heart.

We will be here when you need us.

With much love,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

karibrenmom · Regular Joined: 23 Oct 2007 Posts: 36

I am so sorry to hear this! I am thinking of you Koik, and keeping you in my prayers.
_________________
My mom was diagnosed with NSCLC Squamous Carcinoma 10/23/2007. Wedge resection 11/20/2007. Final pathology showed poorly differiniated large cell carcinomawith invasion of visceral pluera, T2NxM0/stage 1B. 12/14/2007. No chemo elected.

zinger

Oh ((((Koik))))! I am so very sorry. This has been such an incredibly difficult journey for you and Daniel. Your strength and tenacity has been an inspiration for all of us in here and you are surrounded by the love from everyone in this forum. As we all bid farewell to your beloved Daniel, have faith that he is being welcomed in heaven with opened arms by all those whom we've loved and lost to this wretched disease. Just as we sadly embrace you in your darkest hour, our loved ones who have gone before us are joyously embracing Daniel as he enters the healing light of heaven.

God bless you, your family, and your beloved Daniel.

Peace, my friend,

Cathy ^i^
_________________
Dad ~ lung cancer diagnosed Dec 18, 2003, passed Mar 3, 2004.
Mom ~ lung cancer diagnosed May 27, 2008, passed June 1, 2008
They're waltzing once again...

sgodshall

Koik-

As many have expressed you are truly an inspiration to many around the world. You have been a brave leader, advocate, devoted caregiver and wife. I can not imagine your pain, but I and many others would gladly take some of for you. Please concentrate on your health and know prayers are being sent to you. Your name is on many tongues and lifting to up to His Grave for comfort and strength. My deep condolences.
_________________
As long as there is Life, there is Hope.

Husband (44) with LC, mets to brain, lymph nodes and bones. Received Carbo/Taxol, currently in a clinical trail. Had WBR, stereotactic radiation to brain

maryaz

koik; I am so very sorry to hear this. I will have you in my prayers. Try to take care of yourself. You have my deepest sympathy
_________________
Mary

Husband is 67 year old Male
NSCLC - Squamous Cell Carcinoma
Chemo and Radiation Treatments together
Allergic reactions to Taxol and Taxotere.
The Story: http://www.cancerforums.net/about9079.html

Teek · New User Joined: 10 Jul 2008 Posts: 2

Koik,

I am so very sorry. Your love for Daniel made me believe in love again.

Please know you have a small world population here in this forum praying for you.

I would picture us like small pockets of energy surrounding you, helping you get thru each minute, each hour and each day. Energy that hugs, energy that helps dry sad tears, energy that bring joyful tears of remembrance.

We might be able to light a candle for Daniel, but you, Koik, lighted our hearts. For journeys past, journeys present and journeys yet to come, you are our soldier we can pocket to help us get through.

Love,

Teek

LizNDale

Quote Teek: "'We might be able to light a candle for Daniel, but you, Koik, lighted our hearts. For journeys past, journeys present and journeys yet to come, you are our soldier we can pocket to help us get through."

Ditto what Teek wrote, well said Teek.

Liz

dano

My heart goes out to you Koik! Prayers for peace in your heart.
God Bless
Dan
_________________
54 year old male in Hawaii
Diagnosed Nov. 9,2007 with NSCLC IV
with Mets to the lymphs and brain
Had full brain radiation treatment in Jan 08
Currently on chemo treatments every 3 weeks
with Alimta
and taking Lovenox for blood clots
Now back to work full time
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9993

koikkeril · Super Moderator Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 334

My Goodness me, Look at all the love and prayers you are sending me..I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!

On the 18th I went into hospital...Test so far are OK and the brain scan came back clear Very Happy

Not all the test are finished as yet are looking at finding the route of my pain...
I have to have an EMG on the 19th September and the blood test for the blocked tube came back alright for now, so this will be controlled. No operation needed as yet. Nothing mention about the nodules on lung/liver..being small I should imagine these would also be monitored.

Primary Patient Daniel went to his hospital next door..Both the hospitals communicated perfectly with each other and I had every access to leave the hospital to sit with Daniel...

I explained to him every time time I visited that I was in the next hospital and stayed with him more time in his hospital than me in mine...
The doctors and nurses in both hospitals were so caring and wonderful with us that they were even phoning up his hospital at 4am for me when I asked if they would just check if he was OK!

On the 26th in the afternoon Daniels breathing went seriously bad that he turned blue from his fingers to his hands and then his forehead..It was a terrifying sight for me, the doctor came and put full oxygen on then tried to use the tubes to clear the mucus so that he could breath as his difficulty was not improving...after 5 minutes they used the mask and gave him an anti anxiety medicine to relax....
Daniel actually fought on through the night and we lost him at 8.15am the next morning.

I was with him along side his brother as Daniel stopped breathing.

He looked a beautiful, his pain had left him and made him the handsome man he once was.
I kept calling his name, as to me he just looked asleep...I was allowed to discharge from my hospital and stay in his room, so I was able to cuddle him and stroke his face and hair as I usually do...I many times afterwards called his name, I even opened his eyes and kept checking he wasn't going cold....
This may all sound awful but to me it was necessary because I couldn't accept that he had gone.....and today also, I feel he is with me and has still not left and I thank him for that!

Daniels body is in the mortuary but he is here, I can feel him all around me and I am trying not to cry too much...I know it would upset him. I don't know really what happens from here, I have never experienced somebody walking with me before and feeling there warmth on my back and around me...I don't know if its cruel to say I hope he stays with me!

I had an awful experience with a pushy undertaker...The priest arranged the funeral for Thursday next allowing some member the time to travel here..The undertaker started phoning from 8.45 this morning saying he must be buried on Saturday...I must do all paperwork now....I must go to the mortuary and give his cloths.....so on and so on! How many calls with this undertakers raised voice on my telephone i couldn't tell you but eventually he turned up on my front door.
So we had to see the plot, digger was arranged and this man was speeding so fast that I had to tell him to leave.... I cant believe today until I had an answered prayer this evening with a good quotation for Daniel to fly home to India for his family funeral and burial in Kerala.....

Oh boy, I enjoyed cancelling my husbands funeral.... Very Happy

He will not be buried in France or on SATURDAY but having his preparations made for his travels to KERALA I am now feeling a proud wife of being able to manage the just thing!

I told him I will carry his heart with me and I now wear his ring for him....
I refuse to call myself his widow and I am still his wife.

Of course I have asked the question why...
God only knows and there must be a reason as we all know he gave Daniel a lot of strength to fight on giving me plenty of time to adjust... I thank God for that!

When Daniel passed the doctors visited who knew him and they said about the incredible courage he faced..
I was told usually people with his diagnosis does not go onto living that long...I am not sure whether I mentioned it to you but I found out Daniel was blind and I think he was blind about three weeks before he died.
It was for this reason a particular doctor passed by to express their condolences stating it was an unusual case and that he fought a great battle...They made me feel proud!

I will inform you all when Daniel will be going to India for the funeral..
Jim (brainman) sent me a beautiful song (My immortal) Thank you Jim, it will be played in India Very Happy

God Bless.....Koik
_________________
Husband diagnosed with stage 1V NSCLC Febuary 2007.....Lost his battle August 27th 2008 but lives on in my heart.

onecoyote · Experienced user Joined: 15 Jul 2008 Posts: 67

Dear Koik,
Along with all this sadness you did gain some wonderful news that Daniel can finally go home to India. Wow, I am so happy for you! I hope you feel his presence and warmth for as long as you need it and also know that everyone here sends you hugs through the cyberwaves. God bless you and your family.
Peace,
Onecoyote

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 821 Location: UK

Dear Koik - I am SO glad that you are able to take Daniel home for the funeral. My thoughts are with you as always.

It is also good that so far your tests have not shown anything awful. It may just be the terrible strains you have been suffering.

LizNDale

Dear Koik,

I am so happy you can take Daniel HOME, that is such wonderful news!

Please take good care of yourself. I like to think of you basking in the warmth of Daniels presence. I don't think it's cruel of you at all to want that to continue. The words "cruel" and "Koik" just cannot be connected.

You are an amazing woman, and a wonderful wife. You're an inspiration to everyone on this board. I know there are many, many people who have followed yours and Daniels journey, who may not have posted, but are praying for you both. You have touched more people around this world than you can possibly imagine.

God Bless you,

Liz

Liz
_________________
My Mother - Stage IV NSCLC - Adenocarcinoma
Mets to Adrenal Glands and Brain
Diagnosed Thursday June 12th 2008
Died Sunday September 7th 2008

Her Story:
http://cancerforums.net/about9639.html
Her Statement of Faith Memorial:
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=10528

Kat1985 · Regular Joined: 02 Aug 2008 Posts: 11

I'm so sorry for your loss koikkeril, I read this entire thread from start to finish...It made me cry, smile and well cry some more.
You really love your husband. I'm glad he can be at peace in his own country also.. My prayers have and will continue to be with you. Good luck.

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