A Survivor's Story

angel's mom · New User Joined: 08 Apr 2005 Posts: 7

A survivor's story - I was diagnosed with stage II Hodgkins 16 1/2 yrs ago at the same time that I discovered that I was approx 3 - 4 weeks pregnant.
The Hodgkins was isolated to the nodes in my neck and a tumor in my chest (the size of a large orange/small grapefruit). 8 months later, after the birth of my 4th child (a healthy girl), and after 3 sessions (months) of chemo, and 20 days of radiation, the tumor disappeared. I am a 16 1/2 year survivor and now am very proud of it! At that time though, I was 30 years old with 4 children under 9, a good job, a great husband and a great life overall - but was very bitter about what was happening to me.

I have been associated with Relay for Life - a 12 hour walking marathon for teams of 10 people - for the past 3 years as well as this year. The event is all about the survivors and honors the memory of those that passed away because of cancer.
My involvement over the 4 years has included walking as part of a team, walking in the emotional survivor lap that kicks off the Relay event, a reader during the equally emotional luminary ceremony, serving as team captain, serving as secretary (twice) for the Relay organizational committee and serving as luminary co-chair for this year's event.
Being involved with this event to bring awareness to the fact that there are many, many survivors (I always heard about the many that died, but only knew very few survivors), and to raise funds for cancer research and programs, has helped me "heal" emotionally. I'm not ashamed to admit that I have (had) cancer. As a survivor, I know that the many dollars and time that are spent on research is a good investment - I'm here aren't I!
Hodgkins has a very high treatment rate (can't say cure - I was told we are never "cured").
Best wishes to all of you that are fighting the "monster".

There is a sad twist to my story though - my oldest daughter was diagnosed with an adenocarcinoma of unknown origin (the original location of the tumor was never found) and passed away at 21 years a few years ago. She fought hard to the end. Unfortunately, even though she was losing weight, she felt fine and did not go to a doctor until it was too late for treatment to be effective. Early detection is important!
Take care everyone!

leo · Owner Joined: 23 Sep 2004 Posts: 1574

Angel's mom,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I am sure this will be of benefit to someone who reads this.

best regards,
Leo
_________________
Leonardo F - Webmaster Cancer Forums
Disclaimer: this information is for informational purposes only. It is not medical advice.

lisah · Regular Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 15

Angel's Mom

I posted something the other day. Your post has helped me so much. I feel like I can't cope and like my life is falling to bits, I keep reading your post over and over, every day, telling myself I will be ok.

I know I can't give up fighting or lose hope but I'm so scared and so need to hear from survivors of this horrible thing.

Thankyou for posting your story. You are now what I'm aspiring to be.You have given me hope.

Lisa

Pat · New User Joined: 19 May 2005 Posts: 1

Dear Angel's Mom,

I was diagnosed with NHL last January, which came as a complete surprise to me since I'd always been healthy, but I guess this is of the sneaky cancers. I'm a teacher and had no symptoms other than what I thought were those of the beginning of the flu. After the usual tests I began chemo on my 57th birthday in February and have completed 5 out of six now. I hope the sixth will be the last...and that nothing will come back. I'm very positive, eat well, do all the "right" things, and keep my sense of humor. Would love to hear from others out there in the same rocky boat. I'm so sorry about your daughter; I have a friend here who lost her son in a similar manner.

wjsmith82 · Regular Joined: 26 May 2005 Posts: 13

Thanks Angel's mom for sharing your real-life survor's ordeal. I found it to be very encouraging. I can't imagine the pain you have been through. Out living a child is every parent's worse fear. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

If I may ask, how do you get over the anger and bittness, and do things ever return to normal? When is a head ache nothing more than a head ache.

Thanks again.

Best regards,

Bill

angel's mom · New User Joined: 08 Apr 2005 Posts: 7

Hi Bill
As for things returning to normal - they basically did when I returned to work after my treatments - life went on - kids were in school, and we all had extracurricular activities that kept all of us busy over the years. The only thing out of the ordinary was the regular check-up trips I made to the city, but even those dwindled to nothing.

After my daughter's passing, normal may never return - because she is not present at family events such as Christmas, etc. and I don't get to hear her voice at the other end of a phone call.
The lack of her presence was so noticable only 2 days after her passing. Our 2nd oldest daughter graduated from a post-secondary school 4 hours away from our home. We attended the graduation (making funeral arrangements and phoning prospective pallbearers, ushers, memorial book attendants while traveling) and had our picture taken with her in her cap and gown. There were only 5 of us instead of 6. To every other family nearby we looked like a "normal" family, but we knew otherwise and it definitely felt different. It would have been one thing if she couldn't attend because she was working, but the realization hit that our family photos would never be the same.

As for anger - it eventually disappeared - when I don't even know.

Bitterness - that may never go away - I was bitter that God let this happen to me of all people!
I read somewhere that some people when faced with a life-threatening diagnosis lose their faith, while for others that faith is strengthened. My uncle was one of those people - his faith strengthened.
But for me it was the opposite - I attended church and took part in the mass as a reader, and served on the church board before my diagnosis - after the diagnosis I haven't been back to church since other than to have my baby daughter baptized and to attend funerals.
I lost my faith - and when my daughter passed away we didn't have a religious funeral in a church - it was a celebration of her life without the religion. I did permit a minister friend to say one small prayer just for the sake of my parents and in-laws who are devoutly religious. Needless to say, they were not impressed with our choice of a non-religous funeral service.

I think that part of my feelings stem from people wanting to help after my diagnosis - not the type of help to run errands etc - I was grateful for that type of help. It was people praying for me, holding mass in my name, that made me feel like I was up on some pedestal - I was ashamed that I had cancer - that I had somehow "failed" - and despised the negative attention that this gave me. I would to out in public with my kerchief, and a hat - and felt that everyone who looked at me "knew" exactly what had happened to me and how I had failed. I know - because when I see people with kerchiefs etc I know what they are going through - it is so noticable.

As for when a headache is only a headache - that is the fear of the unknown - for several years I would become very anxious shortly before my checkups - and then relieved when the x-rays etc showed no signs of recurrance. I don't know if that feeling will ever go away totally. I think it becomes less and less fearful, although each time I feel a lymph node that seems a little bigger than maybe it should be, I still get worried and its been 16 1/2 years.

I was recently interviewed by the local newspaper in preparation for the upcoming "Relay For Life" event in our community next weekend. I was asked why I "Relay" - I became involved with the event after my daughter's passing and feel that it has helped with the healing process - I don't feel so ashamed anymore.
Also, the outpouring of emotion and help that we recieved during and after my daughter's diagnosis and passing was overwhelming and I realized for the first time that people really do want to be helpful - and since then I don't feel so upset with the people that prayed for me (etc) 16 years ago.
My daughter did not like the extra attention either when she learned that a trust fund was set up for her and a fundraiser was planned to assist us with our travel expenses and her living expenses since she couldn't work (we live in Canada so her medical expenses were covered by the provincial health plan).

I've rambled a fair bit, and I don't know if I've made you feel any better, but at least you know that if you feel the same way you'll know you're as "normal" as you can be with your feelings. We're all so different - and it might not affect the next person at all.

Take care
Angel's Mom

lisacare · New User Joined: 29 May 2005 Posts: 2

My dad did the same as you. He blamed God, he says no god would let a child suffer so there must be no God. I am 34yrs old. I had non hodgkins lymphoma at age 6 and had a less than 10% chance of survival, yet here I sit typing away. I give all the credit to God, the doctors told my parents to plan for my death. I coded 3 sepeate time during my treatment, to me, unbelievable for my partents to deal with. I can't say I blame my dad for his views. However, I am unexplained. I should be dead. even with medical intervention. But here I sit A merical, I say, no other way to explain it. Everything has reason, even if we don't understand it. My dad says it was me, I cured myself, my inner strength. I say no one has inner strenth like that. I thank God for my life as offten as I can. Reach deep, talk to God see if can help answer any questions you have. Yes its unfair to lose a chid, but don't leave God out of your life, most likely he has your daugeter under his care, and who better to care for her now. Sorry if this is offensive or out of line complely disregard if you want. I just wanted to give you a child survior point of view.
Lisa

wjsmith82 · Regular Joined: 26 May 2005 Posts: 13

Yes Angel's Mom, I do feel better knowing that things return to some resemblance of normality. Thank you. And yes work has helped out a lot as well. It helps me to keep my mind off of things. All of my colleagues are very supportive. 9 of them have shaved their heads! Try not to picture this, it is not a pleasant sight. ; )

Accepting this (NHL, large cell diffuse, IIa) and talking to my kids (3 boys) is still difficult. But this too shall pass.

Have a good weekend.

Bill

Ashley · New User Joined: 01 Jun 2005 Posts: 3

Angel's Mom?? I'm not sure what your name is? Anyway Wow what an amazing story of survival. I'm so sorry for your loss! I know the loss is great. How are your other children doing? My 21 year old daughter is battleing Hodgkins for the third time. She has a website about what she is going through. www.alesecoco.org Again I'm happy you are cancer free, but I'm sad for your loss of your daughter. Stay strong. My email is ikeptfaith@aol.com if you ever want to write me.

Kathy

Ashley · New User Joined: 01 Jun 2005 Posts: 3

Lisa:

What kind of cancer do you have?

www.alesecoco.org

	Cancer Forums Forum Index -> Lymphoma - Hodgkin's and Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma Forum	All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1

A website for discussions about any type of cancer, including lung cancer, breast cancer, mesothelioma, prostate cancer, laryngeal cancer, leukemia, lymphoma, multiple myeloma and others