What can I expect?

jpy1963 · New User Joined: 21 Nov 2005 Posts: 2

My 63 yo mother was diagnosed last month. She was living a completely normal life until she collasped on the 3rd October. She was found to have a pericardium effusion and was diagosed with stage IV NSC lung cancer later that week. Further tests have shown it has spread to her lymph glands and she has three tumours to the brain. She had a course of radiation on both sides of the brain without success. The doctors have decided against any further treatment.

The cancer appears to be so aggresive. She has subcuteanous mets all over her body and her body has become so swollen and requires lymphatic drainage. She is on 80mg morpheine twice a day as well as unlimited top ups of endone. She doesn't appear to be in any pain although she sleeps around 20 hours a day and doesn't really get out of bed.

I know the doctors can't be exact but she has been given a diagnosis from anywhere between 1 month to 18 months. My family have been looking after her at home but we are scared to leave her.

How can we tell when she is near the end? Are there signs to look for? My heart seems to be breaking more each day. It just seems so unreal that my beautiful mother was canoeing with me and my kids justs 8 weeks ago and now she is dying.

I feel like I have no control over anything but if i know what to expect I can at least try to prepare myself for it.

Thanks for listening

Jenny

justpat · Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 9:08 am Post subject: What can I expect?

jpy1963
I also am a care-given to someone who has Lung Cancer. My husband is going thru Chemo (he could not have surgery or radiation because of where the cancer is.
You state in your post that the doctors have decided against anymore treatment. Have they told you about Hospice. I lost my brother in August with the same thing my husband has and Hospice is just wonderful. They are such a comfort and support for you and your Mom. I would certainly contact them as soon as possible. They are trained and will be there as much as you want them. They offer support to you and the patient and pain medicine, etc. for you. They will be there when you or your family need to be away, and you do need to be away, for a while at a time to heal yourself.

The url I have listed below is from Hospice and it can be read on line, printed from online or you can order a book from them. It is a wonderful book that you will want to read and keep at your side.

http://www.hospicefoundation.org/endOfLifeInfo/documents/general_manual.pdf

One of the worst things that we as family care-givers go thru, I believe, is summed up in the poem I posted below. I read it daily and sometimes more than once a day. Everyone has different ways of coping but I find that my little diary that I write in helps me a great deal. I can say things to it that I can't say out loud. I believe that we are as well versed in what to expect as the Doctors. Cancer treats every person in a different way and the Doctor just can't tell you what to expect. My prays go out to your Mom and also to each and everyone of your family as you face this situation. I would love to hear more from you as you go on day to day as I think talking to others is so helpful.

Feeling Inadequate
Restless oh so restless, in the middle of the night,
I reach over for my diary once again, in which I write
My feelings, hopes frustrations, my ups and downs, my fears
That perhaps I am not coping, understanding's not quite clear.
Of what is needed from me, to help him through this time
Of horrible uncertainty, we've mountains yet to climb.
I've kept results and records, of treatments, tests, no less
And keeping up this journal, I find helps relieve the stress.
So now another entry's duly written down to keep
I'll replace my three-year diary, and settle down to sleep.

May God guide you thru and protect you, your family, and your Mom!
_________________
Living and Loving One Day at a Time!!

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