Help me grieve...

missumom · Experienced user Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 65

I lost my mom in October 2005 to cancer. She was diagnosed in September 2005 and within a little less than a month, she was gone. I didn't realize the depth of pain one goes through when you lose a parent, until it happened to me. I have been reading a lot of the posts in this site and I can relate with many of them. I've heard that it gets easier with time, but what do I do for now when the pain is so new?

I have been reading in the internet about the different stages of grieving, but I'm interested in everyone's advice on how they manage the grief on a daily basis. I'm not in denial. I have accepted that God has called my mom and she's in heaven, eternally resting in peace. I know that she is happy because she has appeared in my dreams and told me so. I no longer worry about my mom because I know she's in good hands. I'm seeking everyone's help for myself and others who are also grieving.

These are some things that help me cope with my loss and hopefully, it'll help someone in the same situation.

1) I wrote a letter describing the whole ordeal from the beginning to the end of how my mom got sick to when she passed away. I did this because I needed to let it all out. During the course of writing, I cried when I needed to and it felt good. It took me a few days to complete it.

2) I talk about her and mention her as much as possible, without overdoing it. I also take notice of the people around me that I don't make anyone feel uncomfortable when I do so. If I catch myself rambling on and on about my mom, I stop myself. This helps me because it's a way of telling myself that I will never ever forget her.

3) I remind myself that she's safe, happy and painfree. She's with her parents, her sister, all her loved ones, relatives and friends who have also gone to heaven. I tell myself that she wouldn't want me to be sad because that would sadden her, and that's the last thing I would want for my mom.

4) This might sound nuts, but I also started watching a TV show called Ghost Whisperer (Friday nights at 8 p.m.). At first, I thought it was a horror TV series, but as the show progressed, it had a good story line and explained how one's spirit finds its eternal rest.

5) Exhale...Sigh...Exhale...When I get a lump in my throat and a heavy feeling in my heart, I take a deep breath in and exhale.

These are some of my comfort pointers through my grieving. I'd love to hear from anyone about their ways of dealing with grief. What helps you through this misery? What gets you going when the sadness is just overwhelming? Also, are we any closer to finding a cure to cancer?

karenkernel · Regular Joined: 07 Jan 2006 Posts: 12

Hi,
You have my utmost condolenses at the loss f your mother. It is never easy when you lose a parent but somehow in time your heart does heal.
Your motehr's suffering is over and you are right she is in a good place right now.
You are doing all the right things. She will live forever in her heart and she will be watching you as you go on with your life.
She would be very proud of you right now. Did she have a favorite collection that she adored? When my mother in law died I was devastated.
But she left me her porcelain clown collection. She was so proud of that so in her memory I keep adding new clowns to her collection I know she would like. It makes me feel better knowing that she would have loved those little things.
God bless you!

missumom · Experienced user Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 65

Thank you for your kind words and my sympathies also go out to you on the loss of your mother-in-law. She's looking down from heaven and you've made her so happy. It's great that you're cherishing something that was so important to her. It shows that you had a wonderful relationship with her.

My mom left me with so many memorable moments. She was an ideal mom...strict with morals, but yet gentle to discipline. If I needed one person to talk to, I knew my mom would be there. She was a superb grandmother that spoiled her grandchildren on a daily basis. I remember her smile that tells me everything will be alright and her laugh that was so contagious. All that I am, I owe to my mom and my dad.

I think my dad is feeling the deepest pain of all because they had such a close relationship that one can only be fortunate enough to have in their lifetime. He's trying his best to go on with his everyday life. He gets frustrated at himself when he breaks down in tears at times when he thinks of her during the day. I told him that his tears measure how much he loves and misses her.

My mom, now and then, sends us signs that once in awhile, she comes down to visit us. Sometimes, we would see a flash of light (almost like a camera flash), out of nowhere or we would smell her perfume, and sometimes the smell of a candle burning. At times, we would feel a cold breeze of air that would just make us smile, letting us realize that she's not far from us. I guess my mom misses us as much as we miss her. I hope I'm not sounding crazy to anyone. I better stop..hahahaha (sometimes, it freaks me out, too).

God works in mysterious ways and I hope he helps us find a cure to this illness. Hopefully one day, the suffering caused by cancer will stop.

Have a great day...

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