Where am I...can't deal...preparing for death :(

NewlyWedWife

My husband, 37years old, was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in March, From March to September he was receiving chemo. (See my Story), On September 9th, two weeks before finishing his therapy which the Doctors advised was under control, he was feeling numbness in his feet, a common issue with Toxol, so we saw a neurologist who confirmed this...5 days later he went to stand up and fell to the ground, within minutes he had no feeling all the way up to his hip bone.

Since then we have had an Ommaya Reservoir implanted in his skull, after being told the paralysis was due to now Spinal cord and brain cancer. 3 days after the surgery he lost 95% vision in his left eye. They continued treating him for 8 weeks directly receiving Chemo into the spinal cord implant. After 6 weeks he was hospitalized and the reduced treatment to once a week.

Which brings us to this past Monday; he was weighted at 125 pounds down from 168 in March. He is 6ft 4in and skin and bones. We were told that at this point there would be no reversal to the paralysis or the vision, and that the Chemo of only once a week was only making him weaker, we were advised to call hospice and told that the mobility to Chemo was causing more damage then good.

He has lost complete control of his bowel and bladder due to the paralysis; he cannot sit up more then 10 minutes at a time. He barely eats, but is drinking a gallon of milk a day and 3 cups of Honeycombs...All he'll eat...I’ve tried everything....and he moans and aches constantly.

They have him on Oxicotin and Percocets, which he is now increasing. His right foot is swollen but we can't take him to get it checked, as he does not want to be hospitalized, but the nurse did advise it could be a clot or he hit something in his sleep, so we are watching to make sure the swelling doesn't move up his legs.

He is so weak and thin, and has accepted and made his final steps towards death, preparing as best he can.

I’ve read articles about the final stages, he has all except that he's drinking the milk and eating honeycombs constantly. We can't tell his extremities being cold because of the paralysis they are always fridged. It's so hard to see this go on day-to-day. How do we deal, and how will we know when the end is near let alone here...Every waking moment seems like the final moment...How do I cope with this every day, walking around in a daze, numb....When will the time come?

I know nobody knows, but it's just so inhumane....

We've only been married 1 year...I cant deal with this...I feel so helpless, yet I'm his lifeline....Now which direction are we headed?
_________________
Believe
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Husband has Lung Cancer & Brain Tumor NSCLC Stage IV
Diagnosed Mar 2008
37 Yrs Old
Smoker 15 years
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My story thus far: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9545
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Current treatments & Meds:
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9550

ksplat

Dear NewlyWedWife
We can never prepare ourselves for the death of a loved one! Even when you have all the literature & knowledge available to you! We still don't know how to prepare for that ultimate, earth shattering & devastating moment.
I am so sorry for your & your Dear Husband. To have found yourselves here at this point in time...words fail me. My heart goes out to you & I pray to our Lord that he will be by your sides & in your hearts during these difficult times. I hope you have loved ones (family & friends) surrounding you with their love, comfort & assistance as well as the support of Hospice.
I recently experienced the death of my Bro from a Brain Tumour. He went into hospital for a minor bowel problem & 3 weeks later he passed away. He had not had any nourishment for his last 2 weeks (due to a patient directive he had signed in 2007) but as the Narcotics were slowly increased for his comfort he was sleeping more & more. I was watching his urine output each day, waiting for the "change in colour" that's supposed to happen when the kidneys stop filtering. This didn't happen with my Bro! I felt sure I knew it all & was well prepared for his end. He left this world quietly & peacefully with his Wife & our Mother by his side on 23 Sep 2008. Although we knew he was in his final stages of his illness we were never prepared for his death.
My prayers & thoughts are with you at this time.
Cheers, Angie.
_________________
Brother diagnosed with GBMIV Feb 07
Treatment: Radiotherapy, Temodal, Gliadel Wafers, Dexamethasone, Keppra, Dilantin, Clexane
Went to our Heavenly Father after a 19mth battle,, 47 years young.
23 Sep 2008
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=19227

"Without Faith We Have Nothing"

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