izzy
New User
Joined: 22 Oct 2006
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 10:39 pm Post subject: I have a friend with ovarian cancer |
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I have a friend who had surgery for ovarian cancer and is not in her final 3 chemo treatments, (1 every 3 weeks). After surgery her surgeon said there were no signs of cancer left and all of the biopsies he had done came back negative. Yea!
The interesting part has been her behavior. We (at work) set up a schedule for meals, picking up her mail, and she was quite insistent that people come to spend the night with her 24/7. She is single, lives alone, and her relatives live minimum 4 hrs away. Her sisters came some to stay with her. She had a second stay in the hospital with an obstructed bowel; waiting it out for a few days and everything worked out on its own. After this, she insisted that we start the meal program again. Her sister and another friend said that her refrigerator was full and her freezer was full. We would go over to her house to go walking 3 miles then she was expecting her sister to bring her lunch!
She's been very healthy and walking. Previous to this several of us went to the gym together to weight lifting class. She is very strong and went through recovery from surgery easily. Mentally I'm sure she is fearful. But for 2 months her house has been a revolving door with guests she has invited because she insists she can't stay alone. She get through chemo well and has a chipper attitude when we see her. Then on the other hand she acts completely helpless. It's as if we've created a princess who is now taking advantage of us! She will say to people "why haven't you called?" Answer: "You are doing remarkably well and you have a house full of company. And the phone calling goes both ways."
Another friend and I took her to a cancer support group. We heard the endless details all over again. When she was asked how she was coping with the emotional side of this, she said she didn't notice any need. ARGGG! The girl is in denial. When we softly suggest ideas for her to quite repeating her story to everyone who calls and comes over because she will continue to live in the illness, she blows us off. Her sister set up "Care Pages" and she answers all of the email there as well as her own email at home. She is always on the phone repeating every detail.
This can't possibly be healthy! She will not go back to the support group. My other friend and I are going 1 more time without her because as soon as we spoke up, she talked all over us as if to not want to know what we had to say.
For example, I said I thought it was quite weird she was saving her hair and then weaving it into something. Rather than ask me why I thought it was weird, (others have told her the same) she talked all over what I said and justified her behavior. She hardly has any hair left, looks rather scary, and will not shave her hair off. She doesn't want to spend the money.
Other people I have talked to who have had cancer have not had these issues. They have tried to lead a normal life and not continually repeat their story so that they could get on with living. Others have said this is unusual behavior. I guess I can't understand someone who is recovering physically from surgery, walking everyday, and still expecting people (some from East coast) who don't really have the money to come to be with her. We have suggested we could set up times to check on her but many of us will not stay overnight because we don't see the need since she can get her own meals, shop, drive, call, etc... The people from out of town she has convinced to come and "do their time" to "take care of her".
We've expressed our concerns to her sisters. They said to back off, she will come around on her own terms. Maybe so, but at the stress that she is self imposing on herself, will, in my opinion, not help with her healing because she is till living the disease instead of living life!
Can anyone suggest something we can do? Do we get blunt and have an intervention that more time needs to be spent on healing not on the past?
izzy |
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cardoso
Guest
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| Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 6:14 am Post subject: Re: I have a friend with ovarian cancer |
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Some people fall in love with their illness. Maybe because when ill they´re cared and tendered by friends, relatives AND strangers (in white, mostly).
When the illness is gone, will they return to their empty lives? Will people still care? They don´t think so.
What they need is a dose of reality. Their friends love them unconditionally. Being sick will not improve it. Strangers? Strangers feel pitty, who wants it?
She needs to realize that marrying her illness (specially one that´s cured) will not make you like her more. She likes the atention? ASK FOR IT, show you´ll come even if she´s healthy. Even more, show that this game is upsetting you. |
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